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As we move through life, the things we used to cope well with, now seem to get on top of us more and more.
At this stage of life we can be looking after aging relatives and friends and still be meeting the day to day demands of a busy family. On top of that there could be a job and some grandchildren in the mix and before you know it your needs are put aside, you find yourself feeling stuck and frustrated and unable to look after yourself as much as you deserve right now.
These feelings of frustration can and will manifest in the physical if you are unable to experience purposeful self-care, joy and peace for yourself regularly.
Life can be easy and peaceful most of the time.
Family and life demands aren’t going away but the way you think and feel about them can change. By doing some inner work you can change the way you think, which will change the way you feel, which will change your response to day to day demands and eventually change your life.
You can have more time to prioritise your own wellbeing.
Some of us have been supporting others for so long we forget what our own real needs are. We tend to reach for the easy or quick fixes like food, mindless scrolling, alcohol or any number of things that can impact our overall wellbeing. We look outside of ourselves for a solution instead of looking in at what is keeping us from feeling the best we can.
We want to prioritise our wellbeing and we will, after we get through this current demand on our time (as if there isn’t something else just around the corner). In my experience there is always a new thing that needs my attention so, as the saying goes “we need to learn to dance in the rain”
Inner work requires you to uncover, understand, reassess and change the limitations you have on a subconscious level. No amount of conscious direction will help if there is a negative subconscious motivator running in the background.
An example of a subconscious motivator might be.
- In family you have been raised to be giving, in fact your acceptance in family is dependent upon how available you are to others that need you. This will mean if you are not available, you are open to “attack”. That might come in the form of a sarcastic remark, a comment on how good another person is or an outright negative comment about how you’re not measuring up to someone else’s standards. If any of these things feel triggering, it can be a reflection of what is going on inside for you.
This means your motivation of having to do for others becomes part of you being accepted by them which links back to our need to belong, a subconscious survival mechanism.
On a conscious level this might manifest as frustration with yourself because you can’t say no, have very little or no time to do what you need to do for yourself. This could also lead to guilt for not putting others needs ahead of yours, and feeling run down or burnt out, and not understanding where you are going wrong.
So how do we start to “dance in the rain”, let’s have a closer look at appropriate inner work for you to overcome some unconscious programming.
Firstly, what is the difference between the right inner work (for you) and the wrong inner work (for you), this looks and feel different for everybody.
The outcome of the right inner work will be movement in the right direction with ease and change without a need for unsuitable strategies.
Strategies are good while we are in the process of change, but ultimately we want to be able to change without the need to do a strategy that feels hard or unnatural to us.
For example, the wrong strategy for you might be journaling, but where advised journaling is what you need for inner work. You do it for a while but the whole time it feels hard. Then you question yourself, everyone else seems to be able to journal, what's wrong with me?
There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with the strategy you have picked. The wrong inner work will have you feeling frustrated, stuck and attached to things that seem to feel heavy or hard.
So why do you keep at it?
Because you really want something to change, you don't feel like you have any other options, eventually when you tire of the unsuitable strategies you go back to your old ways and feel like you have failed yourself.
When you find the right inner work, you can choose things that help you, let go of the things that no longer serve you and trust yourself to move in the right direction.
The right inner work will be different for everybody, experiment with options until you find things that will work for you in this moment, for this stage of your life.
Some of the positive life changes that you will see by doing the right inner work are:
- A stronger sense of self
- Able to prioritise your health and wellbeing
- More resilient in the face of challenges
- Able to stay on the right path for you
- Being less affected by what others expect from you or think of you
- An inner confidence to know what is right for you
Find the things that will help you uncover, reassess and let go of the old, outdated patterns and stories that keep you stuck doing the same stuff and expecting things to change.
A few Resolve sessions will have you on the right path to the right inner work for you. To book a call & find out more please click link below.
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